You came back and said “i didn’t know you had so much inside of you.”
Honey, i was always the sun, it’s not my fault you met me
in the middle
of the night.
-Drumbeat for the Mending- Elizabeth Mcnamara
“Know your worth” is what I’ve been reminding myself quite often, lately. I’ve spent the past couple of days locked in my apartment writing every thought that came to mind. Finishing a journal and starting a new one. I’ve been finding myself in the words I’ve written. Going through old journals that I keep in a box in my storage room. I’ve seen the development, as a young girl to a woman, as a writer. At eleven-years-old, I wrote about my day, the kids at school, the different sports I played, the confusion of growing up and my biggest fears. I wrote a poem about a lemon drop which has a deeper meaning to me now more than ever.
When I was younger, it was comforting for me to address my journals by a name and the name I’ve addressed my journals as for the past 10 years has been Peter. However, I haven’t addressed my latest journal by a name. I liked putting a name to the entries I’d write as if it was a person I knew and trusted entirely. In a way, Peter has become apart of my life as my most trusted friend.
I was encouraged to write it out growing up and it’s become my greatest supporter. A writer.
“Hey Pretty Girl…” is the beginning of a journal entry back when I was fourteen. Probably, the most haunting statement I’ll carry with me throughout the rest of my life. When I was sixteen, I turned it into a poem that received a lot of attention on Tumblr that lead to people trying to take credit for my words. This week, I rewrote a different version that has a different meaning and I’ve decided to continue writing. “Hey Pretty Girl…” will be a collection of poems, I hope to share come January.
you cannot leave
and have me too
i cannot exist in
two places at once
–when you ask if we can still be friends
Milk and honey by Rupi Kaur